Tuesday, January 29, 2002
Dr. M. Venkatratnam garu
#265 N, Road # 10, Jubilee Hills
Hyderabad-500 033, India
Dear Pedhanana garu,
SUBJECT: At crossroads with Faith & Delusions
New Year greetings to you and Pedhamma, and may God grant you an even more richer blessing this new year! Hope this letter finds you in good spirits and health. You know how we moved back from St. Louis, USA to India because God had called us for a special mission.
Even as Pedhamma was telling me over the telephone about the Commandment of Love, i had in mind the book that i just finished writing (Year 2002), titled, "The Law of Love."
As i was done writing the book i had wondered if my mission was over and could get back to my secular work as a Software Engineer. I had sent in my resume to a specific company here in Hyderabad and today i prayed to God if i should call them and ask them for the status of my application. But God would not permit me. He instead told me to go to my family, relatives and friends and "bring back word to them" of how much the Lord has done for me and had sympathy and mercy on me (Mark 5:19). Though practically it is not possible for me to visit everyone in the family, i thought at the least i can write to you and cc everyone else.
Psychologists and Psychiatrists often talk about delusions when they are dealing with manic-depressives and other kinds of psychiatric patients. The dictionary definition of a delusion is "false belief" and psychiatrists call it "going off at a tangent." Though i am now totally stable by the grace of God, i am a manic-depressive myself and i had often found my faith at crossroads with delusions. For faith is making substance in our minds of things hoped for, as though we already obtained them, given a little evidence through God's will made known to us, of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 KJV Paraphrased). And this is the sort of thinking that can easily turn delusional for someone like me. So then, is my relationship with God just an aspect of these delusions and not based on reality? That God has illumined me and continuing to do so may seem like a paradox but it is true. Indeed when i ask the Lord, "How have You loved me more than these?" The answer is always: "I have revealed myself to you and have given you everlasting life." How i am to overcome this paradox when relating my testimony to someone is a burden that the Lord has graciously placed upon me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I shall live a monument of God's grace and power.
Given that our relationship with Christ is a matter of life and death like a compass is for a sea voyage or a guide for a journey across the desert, i hope you will take this brief enclosed testimony of mine to heart. The testimony may also be found on the above web site.
Lovingly,
Caleb Suresh Motupalli
(John 17:19)
Cc.: All our relatives